Boxers or Briefs?
by Ah Hael
Summary: Ah the age old question. This story is actually based on a very real conversation among a bunch of guys I know.


Title: Boxers of Briefs?

Author: Ah Hael

Genre: Humor, Total Crack

Rating: 13+

Pairings: None

Spoilers: Not really

Disclaimer: Do I have to say it? They aren't mine dammit!

Summary: This is actually based on a very real conversation with a bunch of guys I know.

Boxers or Briefs?

Quatre hid his sigh of annoyance. He secretly hated doing laundry. It was his least favorite chore and the only reason he endured it was because the others did their own laundry without complaint. Well, except for Duo, but even then he didn't complain much. Quatre suspected most of his complaining was for show.

The five of them were holed up in a warehouse that they had loosely converted for their use. The main floor was open with several work benches. Of to the side of the main floor were locker rooms with working showers a laundry room. Above the locker rooms were small offices that they transformed into sleeping quarters. It was big enough that they managed to avoid getting on each other's nerves too much. He might even be hopeful enough to say they were almost bonding.

Heero was currently standing against an old scarred workbench working on a piece of Wing's shoulder joint, Trowa was at the table next to him cleaning and inspecting his weapons. Duo had his laptop hooked up to a mini projector that was displaying blueprints of a local military base against the wall. Wufei had yet to show up after his exercises, but Quatre had no doubt that he would show up sooner or later.

_A little laundry is a small price to pay to be together._ He thought to himself as he folded another of Herero's green tank tops and added it to the top of the 'Heero' stack. Reaching into the basket he pulled out a pair of plain white cotton/poly blend boxers.

Puzzled, he held them at arms length unsure of whom they belonged to. They certainly weren't his. Snobbish as it sounded, he preferred a certain brand quality when it came to underwear.

"Duo, are these yours?" he asked holding them above his head.

The Deathscythe pilot eyed the plain boxers and grinned. "You're kidding right? Do I look like the kind of guy who would wear plain white boxers?"

Quatre gave him a sheepish look. "I guess I thought that maybe they were a part of a disguise or something."

Duo had a point though; he wore the most outrageous underwear that Quatre had ever seen. They varied from violently gory cartoon characters to one pair that had instructions on how to give a blowjob in glow-in-the-dark lettering. Plain white boxers just weren't his style.

Duo gave him a weird look that spoke volumes on the kind of person who would disguise himself all the way down to his skivvies. "No they aren't mine. Maybe Heero though, he seems like a standard white kind of guy. Hey 'Ro! You missing something from your panty drawer?"

Without even looking up from the greasy machine part, Heero answered with a curt "No."

Duo rolled his eyes at him "Aw come on man, you didn't even look! Don't tell me you're a briefs guy! Real men wear boxers!" he stated boldly causing Quatre's lips to twitch in amusement.

Heero however didn't appear at all amused. He leveled a mild glare at Duo for interrupting him flicked a quick glance at Quatre, the boxers and then back to Duo.

"I don't wear underwear."

Not only did Quatre and Duo gape at him speechless but Trowa's head popped up and looked at the Wing pilot with surprise. Duo was the first to recover by shaking his head and rolling his eyes again. "Somehow that explains so much about you." he said in a droll tone. "Just don't come lookin for my help when you get your dick caught in your zipper."

Just hearing Duo joke about it made Quatre wince. Maybe that was why Heero wore spandex so much. Quatre was just mentally agreeing with Duo about not wanting to be around if Heero had an unfortunate accident when the Deathscythe pilot spoke up again.

"Hey Trowa, are these yours?" he asked the Heavyarms pilot.

"No."

"What? Don't tell me you go commando too?" Duo asked in a disbelieving tone. Quatre had to agree. There was no way Trowa could go without underwear. It would be like an F cup or bigger woman going without a bra.

Like most guys Quatre didn't stop to look at other men in the locker room. With his features he knew that such an attempt would easily be misunderstood as an advance. He did however see Trowa.

They all did.

It was hard to miss.

The last time they were all together, they were all crowded into a cheap motel room. It had been a terrible mission that had left Quatre with a huge gash down his arm, Heero had a piece of shrapnel in his leg and Duo had a concussion. At the time they had used up most of the towels for cleaning up blood, so Trowa had to use a hand towel during his shower.

He came out of the bathroom wearing his blandest look while trying to use the tiny piece of cloth to cover his manhood. Not only did not cover him, it missed the mark by a several centimeters.

No, Trowa was definitely not a guy to go without underwear. In fact, Quatre still found it a surprise that he was able to hide all of _it_ in those tight jeans of his.

Trowa gave Duo a look that was both bland and arrogant at the same time. "I wear briefs because boxers don't have the kind of support I need."

Quatre watched Duo's mouth open and close a few times while the young man tried to find a good comeback to that. After all, he'd just made the bold statement that real men wore boxers, but Trowa was most obviously the most equipped man of all of them.

Before he could say anything however, the Heavyarms pilot added "Without the support of briefs, you just flop around and can accidentally sit on yourself if you're big enough."

Silently, Quatre made a vow to never buy boxers again.

Pink color was starting to appear on Duo's cheeks and he was still trying to come up with a suitable comeback when Wufei appeared and gave him a potential out. "Wufei! These must be yours!" he yelled to the Shenlong pilot. Duo walked up and snatched the boxers from Quatre's hands. Then using the waistband as a slingshot, he fired them at the other boy. Not being particularly aerodynamic, the boxers fell short of their target.

Wufei casually walked over and picked up the underwear between his thumb and forefinger holding it away from him like it was a dead rodent with a look of disgust to match. "Certainly not. I wear the athletic style boxers to avoid excess movement during fighting." He said.

Unknown to any of them, the sound from their conversation had carried enough that Wufei knew to reject them even if they were his. Luckily for him they weren't.

By now Heero and Trowa were openly grinning at Duo's discomfort. Quatre felt a bit sorry for him, but there was no way he was going to put his manly pride on the line and back him up. Duo was on his own.

Still holding the boxers, Wufei looked at them more closely. Making a face, he held out the label. "It looks like whoever these belong to wrote their name in them." Peering closer he tried to read the faded writing. "What is that? Blake? Something Blake?" he asked holding the label towards Trowa who was closest to him to confirm what he was seeing.

"Looks like A or maybe R Blake. Quatre, theses aren't even ours. Where did you get them?"

"I don't know," Quatre gave a slightly horrified look that he was carrying around some strange man's boxers "maybe they were stuck in the machine and came out with my stuff." He had the compulsion to go and re-wash everything again."

Heero reached over and yanked the garment from Wufei's grip before neatly ripping the fabric in two. Once done, he used one of the pieces to clean the grease off of the machine part he was holding.

He looked up briefly to find the others watching him with varying looks of surprise.

"What? It was clean."

Owari

AN1: Okay before any of you jumps up and says 'Men who wear boxers aren't small!' Let me just say this was a very real conversation among a bunch of guys on the same hockey team. I won't get into too many details about who said what and how big/small they are supposed to be. The end result was that anyone who was average size or smaller wore boxers while the… er… very above average ones wore briefs. Their reasoning was because it kept them from accidentally sitting on themselves. So all you average guys enjoy those boxers!

AN2: **I actually have the next chapter of Mind, Body and Spirit done!** I'm trying out a new beta but I admit I'm getting anxious. You tell me. I sent it out over two weeks ago and still haven't heard anything. Not even an acknowledgement that she got it. Am I being unreasonable? Is it normal to wait three weeks to a month for a beta?


End file.
